also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
