Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
