everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
