Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
