I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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