yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
