ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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