sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
