I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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