Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
