You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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