I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
