Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
