omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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