So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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