don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
