dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
