hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
