I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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