i permit you to call me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
