I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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