I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
