yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
