he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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