the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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