I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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