Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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