and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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