My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
