Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
