I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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