I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
