He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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