i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
