There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
