I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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