Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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