Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
