so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
