Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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