there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
