Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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