i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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