Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
