Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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