Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i think i just lost a toe
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
