we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
