My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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