Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
