i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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