my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
