I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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