we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
