For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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