i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
